Saturday, July 22, 2006

Who are you?

I'm not selling any of my sheep today. I have to write about something.
I have been writing about looking at your sheep and deciding who to keep ....who to breed.
And today, we should explore who are you?????
Some lives just go along and pull us in, there are babies...real ones to care for, partners and their jobs, our jobs! that require care, houses that need buying or selling. Laundry, packing, friends who need nuturing....dishes...and dinners....and more dishes!
Pets, who appear and disappear...with all the emotions involved. And the big one these days, parents who now need our care to survive.
I've been there too. Totally involved with jobs that eat up all my waking time, parents who require doctors appointments, hospital stays, houses that become too big...too little. Posessions that overwhelm my capability to store them. Pets and farm animals that instead of being a hobby....take over my life.
I'm comfortable with myself right now...but there was a time when these things were putting one foot where I didn't need to go.
Children grow up....some don't always grow at an expected rate, but the time comes when we let them go to be who they are.... not who we think they should be. At that point, sometimes we are lost ourselves. When you were growing up....who did you want to be? Do you remember the aching to be out on your own, living that life?....Do you still want somewhere inside....to be that person and not the one you are?
Are you surrounded....by people, sheep, or even possessions that are piled on tables, on chairs, in closets...do you have boxes now in full view....of things that are being stored, but no longer fit in your storage places? Of trapping for a life you have out-grown....and need to change?
At one point in my life....I had to make changes. Life was not what I could control, and I HAD to take it back. Isn't it funny how we find the very person, book, place to sit....when we need to recover our life...our person inside-who we really are?
I found a book....it doesn't matter what it was called...it gave me the tools to change my life one thing at a time...to a place where I could be me....
I had to imagine living in a place of total joy....peace and comfort.
Can you think of one?....Have you taken the time to look inside yourself and find that spot?
It can be murky at first....but then if you can imagine it...you can be there.
Once you have the concept of peace and the "good life" you look around you....what do you see?
Do you need it in the next place in your dreams? You are going to improve your life one little step...one big step.... at a time.
One of the curses of our society...are the many possessions we surround ourselves with.
My parents revered the things of their past...of their parents past....I was taught to revere them too.....of course after all the parents and grandparents were gone....I still had the stuff!!!!
Interestingly, I let go...burned...trashed...gave away....many of my own things....and still have boxes of my parents stuff!....but the difference is that I decided what I could get rid of and what I wanted to keep. Look into that storage box....is there anything in there that would be necessary to your NEW life? If not, why are you keeping it?
Things....were meant to serve...not to sit. If it is sitting and collecting dust....maybe you don't need it any more. Make a list of your surroundings....if you were leaving for your new special "perfect" life tomorrow....what would you take with you?
Maybe you already have that perfect life? Maybe there are just a few things that need changing.
Once you have your list....and there might be some things you want to change that are in your heart...but you can't even admit them to yourself by putting them on your list.
We work up to those bigger changes, by making those small changes.
Look in your box again....is there anything in there you want to get rid of now?...do it....for everything we get rid of that ties us to our old life....the one that needs changing....we get a burst of energy toward our new life. Maybe....it's a little plastic cowboy hat....a yellow one, big enough to fit on my finger. No matter how hard I try...I cannot get rid of that hat right now....so I accept that...it has now become an altar to my past...that way, I can accept it...keep it...store it...move it with me to my next place I want to live. It's OK...I know it is stupid...but I can accept that too.
It won't drag me back to the old life...it now just provides a link to the old from my new place of living.
There are some things that are harder to put on a list...they are harder to deal with in life....they are hard to even admit to ourselves....get your little pocket book out.....mark an X on a date...that is the date you will make a decision....put something on your to-do list....eliminate a problem....deal with a problem. In the meantime, you can start with the little things. Celebrate when you do something big.....like throwing that old frying pan in the trash...instead of in the back of the cupboard.
Let that old stuff go...so you can figure out who you are, what you want to do next year, next month,.... tomorrow. Yaay....it's YOU....you are unique....you can find yourself, and make a difference in your own life....I'm so proud of you. You might even make a difference in my life!
Hurray! Maybe some day you will need a sheep!

2 Comments:

At 11:01 AM, Blogger Karen B. said...

Oh wow, Mary Ellen. Thanks for this, here at my new beginning I appreciate these thoughts. -kb

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger Pat's Place said...

You talkin' to me, Girlfriend???

 

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